You don't have to be a jerk to get what you want!
When
you think of assertiveness do you have a positive or negative image?
It's funny how assertiveness sometimes gets a bad rap, because in
reality it's a positive communication tool. The problem is many people
use assertiveness as an excuse to be an aggressive jerk.
There are 3 truths about assertiveness to apply to your life:
Assertiveness Truth # 1: Everyone Wins With Assertiveness!!!
Passive people have a "I Lose - You Win" mentality. Over time, that becomes a habit of self defeat and regret.
Aggressive
people have a "I Win - You Lose" mentality. Quickly, this becomes a way
of life and this person establishes a reputation as consistent pain in
the "ass."
Passive/Aggressive
people actually have a "Get Revenge - Sabotage" mentality. This leads
to a secret life of inconsistency and they deny having a negative
intent when they are caught. With the passive/aggressive person everyone
loses!
Good
news! With assertiveness the mentality is "Everyone Wins." You can even
use this language in heated conversations, "Hey, we can both win here."
Instantly, both parties involved have mutual respect and understanding.
Assertiveness Truth #2: Emotional Stability Begins With Assertiveness
There
are times when we feel out of control emotionally. Being able to
express your wants, needs and emotions is essential. Assertiveness is
believed to be the beginning of peace within oneself. If you can be
honest with yourself then you can be honest with your emotions.
Your
internal dialogue needs to be positive. How quickly we can be too
aggressive with her own opinions of ourselves. We can also become too
passive with ourselves which leads to apathy. Taking an assertive
approach with yourself will stabilize your emotional well-being.
Assertiveness Truth #3: Remember Assertiveness Is A Privilege
It's
an honor to live... in a place - on this earth - at this time - that
what you say is allowed, respected and even repeated. Imagine if your
right was taken away to express your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It
has happened to so many throughout history and now.
So why not exercise your right to say what you want to say without fear or intimidation.
Assertiveness
is standing up for your personal rights. Assertiveness offers the
expression of thoughts, feelings and beliefs honestly, openly and
directly. This can be done without violating other people's rights.
All
in all, assertiveness is a truth to live by. As a communication coach, I
am dedicated to helping people of all ages express themselves
assertively. The key to lasting relationships in any dynamic is being
assertive. Remember no jerks allowed in assertiveness!
Assertively,
Cara Lane
Communication Coach
Cara Lane can be summed up in two words = infectious enthusiasm.
Cara’s high energy, expressive style will be a joy to your learning on life.
She has won the hearts of people and has become known nationally as “America’s
Speaker Sweetheart.” She has also toured the world and has become an
internationally known motivational speaker and trainer. Cara Lane is the award
winning top trainer for the world’s leading seminar company. She's a leader
an ambassador for Weight Watchers. Cara has given over 10,000 hours of instruction
on communication training.
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