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Monday, August 12, 2013

making marriage an enjoyable journey…

Simply stated, my philosophy as an amateur hobby hiker is to enjoy the journey and not the destination. 

I enjoy hiking, but I’m not the extreme hiker-type trail blazer who scales rocks or cliff or mountains like some X-game competitor. Rather, hiking for me is a simple, stress-free outing filled with frequent water breaks and vista view pit stops along the way.

I believe the same can be true of a marriage journey. If marriage is viewed as a journey rather than a destination, an enjoyable relationship can become more of a reality. For many, the distance of their marriage relationship is only measured from the wedding aisle, which feels like pure bliss, to their new home, back to reality. When many couples start to get settled into their new lives, and that honeymoon glow begins to wear off, disappointment and unfulfilled expectations suddenly flood in... Delusion sets in and couples are faced with confusion, frustration and regret. And research shows that only after 3 years into marriage, people make drastic decisions, and it can feel like the pain will never subside. If your marriage started out this way and nothing has changed since, you don’t have to settle for a sub-par, unhappy relationship!

A road to a fulfilling and satisfying marriage is available to us all… but this does not simply happen by accident. It’s not good luck or merely good fortune. It’s continual investments created by daily effort with a team mindset and a desire to support each other everything you/they do. In other words, the work you put into your marriage will bring about the results you have always dreamed about.

Here’s some simple homework to help you clarify the direction of your marriage journey today:

1.     Put down on paper three things that are great in your marriage and prioritize them from greatest to best. Often times, marriages that are stuck in a rut have spent too much time focused on what’s not working rather than what is.
2.     Once you have carefully articulated those three things, choose one of those three and brainstorm tangible ways to build it up even more. For example, my wife, Cara, continually builds me up with verbal compliments.  It goes a long way in making me feel constantly supported and appreciated. And one way I could support her in return is to give her complements and positive feedback!

3.     Finally, intentionally implement one of your newly brainstormed ideas twice this week! My suggestion is that you do this in a way you have never done before. Be thoughtful. Be consistent. Create the change you want to see in your marriage!

The best way to get your marriage back on track is to view your relationship like a hike: an enjoyable adventure, moving towards something, somewhere beautiful! Marriage is a journey, and it’s meant to always be moving forward. When your marriage is viewed as an adventure, a journey, suddenly your relationship has meaning and purpose and the hike doesn’t seem so bad after all.

I look forward to hearing how your marriage relationship changed direction next week!

Rob Lane
Marriage Mechanic

Rob is proud that his wife Cara plays an instrumental part of what he does. They have a combined 20+ years helping individuals and couples with their relationships and marriages. Rob has a BA in Christian Education from Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and holds a Master’s Degree in Psychology and is an Online Psychology Professor for Grand Canyon University. Rob is also certified marriage counselors in the PREPARE/ENRICH program. He is a non-denominational ordained minister and officiates wedding ceremonies. Rob combines his experience and education along with his unique approach that is sincerely relational, empowering, hopeful, honest and compassionate. To learn more about Rob, The Marriage Lane and his approach read here.


  1. I tried this and implemented the chosen one idea on my list when my husband got home. He reciprocated immediately. That's as close to a miracle in my marriage as I've seen lately. Thank you.

  2. That is amazing!! Cheers to continued successes in your marriage!

  3. Seems a fresh and pro-active approach to improving relationships versus the old school approach of over analyzing the "he said", "she said" between couples. Thanks MM... you ROCK!

  4. I'm so glad you are liking Rob's fresh approach. Certainly feels more proactive and more productive! Thanks for reading the blog too!

  5. Thank you for posting this ♥ awesome info! Unfortunately I'm a little behind on discovring it but it's great advice/ food for thought ♥


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