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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

take the donkey out of ass(ertive)...

 Take The Donkey Out Of Assertive: 
You don't have to be a jerk to get what you want!

When you think of assertiveness do you have a positive or negative image? It's funny how assertiveness sometimes gets a bad rap, because in reality it's a positive communication tool. The problem is many people use assertiveness as an excuse to be an aggressive jerk. 

There are 3 truths about assertiveness to apply to your life:
Assertiveness Truth # 1: Everyone Wins With Assertiveness!!!
Passive people have a "I Lose - You Win"  mentality. Over time, that becomes a habit of self defeat and regret.
Aggressive people have a "I Win - You Lose" mentality. Quickly, this becomes a way of life and this person establishes a reputation as consistent pain in the "ass."   
Passive/Aggressive people actually have a "Get Revenge - Sabotage" mentality. This leads to a secret life of inconsistency and they deny  having a negative intent when they are caught. With the passive/aggressive person everyone loses! 
Good news! With assertiveness the mentality is "Everyone Wins." You can even use this language in heated conversations, "Hey, we can both win here." Instantly, both parties involved have mutual respect and understanding.

Assertiveness Truth #2: Emotional Stability Begins With Assertiveness
There are times when we feel out of control emotionally. Being able to express your wants, needs and emotions is essential. Assertiveness is believed to be the beginning of peace within oneself. If you can be honest with yourself then you can be honest with your emotions. 
Your internal dialogue needs to be positive. How quickly we can be too aggressive with her own opinions of ourselves. We can also become too passive with ourselves which leads to apathy.  Taking an assertive approach with yourself will stabilize your emotional well-being. 

Assertiveness Truth #3: Remember Assertiveness Is A Privilege
It's an honor to live... in a place - on this earth - at this time - that what you say is allowed, respected and even repeated. Imagine if your right was taken away to express your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It has happened to so many throughout history and  now. 
So why not exercise your right to say what you want to say without fear or intimidation. 
Assertiveness is standing up for your personal rights. Assertiveness offers the expression of thoughts, feelings and beliefs honestly, openly and directly. This can be done without violating other people's rights.

All in all, assertiveness is a truth to live by. As a communication coach, I am dedicated to helping people of all ages express themselves assertively. The key to lasting relationships in any dynamic is being assertive. Remember no jerks allowed in assertiveness! 

Cara Lane
Communication Coach 

Cara Lane can be summed up in two words = infectious enthusiasm. Cara’s high energy, expressive style will be a joy to your learning on life. She has won the hearts of people and has become known nationally as “America’s Speaker Sweetheart.” She has also toured the world and has become an internationally known motivational speaker and trainer. Cara Lane is the award winning top trainer for the world’s leading seminar company. She's a leader an ambassador for Weight Watchers. Cara has given over 10,000 hours of instruction on communication training.


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