the need for "no" & how to say it...

My favorite quote by Benjamin Franklin is: ”A problem well-stated is a problem half solved.”

So let’s identify the problem of why we don’t say no. What are the reasons?

• We might not want to disappoint someone – BUT then we get disappointed in ourselves.
• We think it’s easier to go along with what the other person wants in the moment – YET in the long run we realize we just made it harder on ourselves.
• We feel guilty saying no – BUT living with the guilt is worse.
• We get scared that someone might not find us as valuable – BUT we have to remember our own value.
• The other person might say no to you, since you said no to them – YET at least there would be truthfulness.

There is a simple formula to help you say no. I call it the R.U.N. technique. Run and say no! (:

Restate the Request – Say “I understand” or “I heard” or “I believe” and then simply repeat the exact same words they just used. People have a positive bias towards someone that they believe actually listened to them.

Understand my Circumstance – Ask the person to understand that your circumstance will not allow you to say yes. Be firm. Be fair. Be Real.  This is NOT a place for excuses. 

 

Notice the Positive – Tell them how much you appreciate them thinking of you to ask. Do not let them corner you into saying yes.

With that said, we must learn how to say no. Have you ever heard this? Even the best juggler will drop all the balls if there is one too many! Boundaries are needed. People respect you more when you are able to say no. There is nothing worse than someone saying yes but they don’t follow through. Saying NO is liberating. Try it on for size!

Kindly, 
Cara Lane
Communication Coach 

Cara Lane can be summed up in two words = infectious enthusiasm. Cara’s high energy, expressive style will be a joy to your learning on life. She has won the hearts of people and has become known nationally as “America’s Speaker Sweetheart.” She has also toured the world and has become an internationally known motivational speaker and trainer. Cara Lane is the award winning top trainer for the world’s leading seminar company. She's a leader an ambassador for Weight Watchers. Cara has given over 10,000 hours of instruction on communication training. Check her out at here!