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Monday, October 07, 2013

the real secret to resolving conflict...

Television writing has significantly changed over the last few years. Clever writing along with famous actors and actresses seem to no longer be the norm. One of my favorite television shows while growing up was hands down, The Cosby Show. Bill Cosby's character, Mr. Huckstable, gave a  fatherly talk to his TV son, Theo, about what it takes to live on his own.  To me, it was the most classic episode.
Without getting off topic too much, my point is, “Oh, how the times have changed.” What is now the norm for prime time TV? Reality TV! From Survivor, to Fear Factor, to American Idol, to The Biggest Loser, to America’s Next Top Model, to Hell’s Kitchen… the list goes on and on.
I have always wondered why reality TV is so attractive, interesting, or appealing. There is one word that drives reality TV (and what makes producers salivate over all the crazy money they pocket). That word is: CONFLICT. What reality show out there does not have any conflict? Not one! It is interesting that out culture desires watching TV shows that thrive on conflict. “The more conflict the better.” This mantra is plastered on the boob tube every day and night, which means that every single home gets a firsthand look on how "normal" conflict really is.

As much as couples hate conflict on the surface, there almost seems to be a desire for it. Without it, life seems boring. With it, there's a vessel for getting the attention we want or feel we deserve. Is there any hope for a conflict free relationship, let alone a conflict free marriage? Are there any answers for marriages who find that they are drowning in the troubled waters of conflict? Yes, there are answers!!! Yes, there is great hope. And yes, marriages can indeed experience the kind of reality we all want down deep inside: resolved conflict. I believe that marital success does not mean a marriage has no conflict; rather it is measured by the ability to continually resolve conflict. This is the secret to discovering a conflict free marriage.

The greatest secret to resolving marital conflict lies at the core of one word: conviction--the conviction of wanting to be right. “I am right, you are wrong!” The real truth of resolving conflict puts that conviction aside and says, “I still may be (or feel) right, but I will respect you anyways.” The principle of ‘agree to disagree’ lies at the root of the conviction or conflict. You see, when we find ourselves drowning in the troubled sea of conflict, this means that our exhaustive flailing, violent paddling and strenuous wading overtakes all of the respect we used to have, all because we feel we are right.

The real secret to resolving conflict is letting go! Let go of that conviction and begin to find the answer to coming out of troubled conflict: respect. Even though reality TV draws its ratings on hyper-conflict, it does not mean that we have to mimic it in our own relationships and marriages. When we embrace the conviction of respect, we will begin to find ourselves back on the road to marital health and success. That is what we all truly want! And that is eeality TV worth tuning in to.    
For more information on resolving marital conflict in a constructive way, contact The Marriage Mechanic. Rob will give you the necessary perspective and tools to help resolve your conflict today

Rob Lane
Marriage Mechanic

Rob is proud that his wife Cara plays an instrumental part of what he does. They have a combined 20+ years helping individuals and couples with their relationships and marriages. Rob has a BA in Christian Education from Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and holds a Master’s Degree in Psychology and is an Online Psychology Professor for Grand Canyon University. Rob is also certified marriage counselors in the PREPARE/ENRICH program. He is a non-denominational ordained minister and officiates wedding ceremonies. Rob combines his experience and education along with his unique approach that is sincerely relational, empowering, hopeful, honest and compassionate. To learn more about Rob, The Marriage Lane and his approach read here.


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