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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

what you see is what you get…

What You See Is What You Get… 
Gaining a win mentality towards marriage health

Believe it or not, we often make decisions in our lives based on catchy phrases. Without even realizing it, whether good or bad, we choose our course of action or scale back on some decision based on what we see and hear but ultimately what we believe.  Some say that the power of marketing is a very powerful tool and they are actually right!

One of those catchy phrases we are familiar with is, what you see is what you get. This phrase may mean different things to different people but here’s my take on it. If I am the person that you truly see, then I am the person you will have to put up with because I am not going to change who I am based on how you feel about me. This is usually followed up with an adamant disclaimer: “And if you don’t like it, then too bad!”
I’m sure you know people in your life who present themselves this way. Whenever this is the case, it puts you in a little quandary- you either love them for who they are or you stay as far away as you can because of who they are. And how true this is in the context of a marriage relationship gone bad?

What you see is what you get is a clever phrase that many people live their lives by today. Although it is important to be truly honest and satisfied with who you are as a person, it is a different outcome when we try to be someone we are not. The results from this dilemma are often confusion and frustration because we struggle with the inner self; better known as our alter ego.

I heard someone once tell me the true definition of ego which is when we edge God out. This is spot on when you think about the challenges of wanting the best for your best while trying not to change them. As you can imagine, there is a very fine line between both of these narratives. 

In reality, what you see is what you get can be a direct result of dealing with an alter ego. We often find that we settle into the person we ultimately don’t want to be because of the struggle within. But then again, we resort to the idea that our circumstances are the reason why we ultimately become another person. The battle always begins within but is perpetuated from the outside as well. 

Examples of some of the outside influences include social website networks like Facebook, Twitter, E-harmony and Match. On one hand these websites are good because they allow us to connect with others on a more regular basis. On the other hand, these sites tend to create and foster a false sense of identity, or that alter ego.

We are confronted with our egos on a daily basis, especially in a marriage relationship. We deal with the questions of should we do this or should we do that; should we not do this or not do that. This is the mental exercises that we battle with. Combine this with our alter egos; this potentially can be a recipe for personal discouragement and confusion. What’s worse is this can affect our marriage relationships. 

Is there any hope for recreating a better alternative to the lives we truly want and the lives we feel we truly deserve? Do we have to end up with a default attitude that has to resort to what you see is what you get? The Marriage Lane helps couples develop a solid mindset and a new belief system that assures you to experience the marriage you have always wanted to experience. The Marriage Lane offers a free initial session through this blog that helps you and your spouse get on the right marital path; The Marriage Lane! You will not regret taking part in something that will change your outlook on the course of your marriage journey. This may be the end to the outward battle and the beginning of your inward victory.    
Rob Lane
Marriage Mechanic

Rob is proud that his wife Cara plays an instrumental part of what he does. They have a combined 20+ years helping individuals and couples with their relationships and marriages. Rob has a BA in Christian Education from Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and holds a Master’s Degree in Psychology and is an Online Psychology Professor for Grand Canyon University. Rob is also certified marriage counselors in the PREPARE/ENRICH program. He is a non-denominational ordained minister and officiates wedding ceremonies. Rob combines his experience and education along with his unique approach that is sincerely relational, empowering, hopeful, honest and compassionate. To learn more about Rob, The Marriage Lane and his approach read here.


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